What's on your mind - to share or not to share?

For the most part, I enjoy my time on social media. I share about my life, my kids, (and now grand kids...am I really that old?) all my precious moments to document and have memory keepsakes.  

Controversial opinions never crossed my lips.  Only the most upbeat of posts make the cut, even if I have to dig deep sometimes to find them through my life trials striving to remain having an attitude of gratitude and give God glory.  The one thing I didn't do was share my opinions on others post.  At least not those tinged with controversy. Too scary. Too fraught with anxiety. Better to steer clear of that black hole at all costs.

Then one day something happened that challenged my willingness to keep quiet.  COVID-19 Pandemic!

I threw caution to the wind and boldly went where I've never gone before. I shared my controversial opinion on social media.  I knew sharing my thoughts would likely have repercussions, but somehow I just hoped they’d be minimal.  I even dared hope that everyone would share their opposing viewpoints politely and respectfully, virtually bow and smile to one another and continue happily through their day.

Social media is the modern world’s equivalent to reading a funny passage in a book or seeing something interesting and immediately wanting to share it with someone.  In other words, we talk out loud to people on social media  the way we would if we were in a room with them.  We share our thoughts, our opinions, our ideas. We share random things that pop into our head. We blow off steam. We vent.  (I actually started this blog to minimize the need to vent.  Having a virtual diary is not exactly the best idea I've had, but I'm trusting God will use this space for His Glory.)  

Yet the price we too often pay for being open on social media is that people who hold different opinions or don’t like what we’re saying have merely to click the unfriend or unfollow button, and we’re history.  It’s both the beauty and the tragedy of social media.  When you’re face-to-face with someone important in your life, you can disagree, maybe even argue, and your relationship will usually survive.  Not so on social media. Say the wrong thing, to the wrong person, at the wrong time, and bye!  

For someone like me, who spends the majority of every day by myself, the need to express my thoughts is often high, so I post on Facebook.  I know I’ve paid the price for doing so, whether I can prove it or not.  The upside to being yourself and sharing your beliefs is that those who agree with you will be attracted to you. Those that don’t won’t.  And that is OK!  None of us are ever going to be everyone’s cup of tea. And trying to do so just makes you dull, and ultimately unhappy.

Your real friends and those who value you won’t walk away just because you say something with which they disagree.

At the end of the day, it comes down to character, a subject on my mind a lot these days.  Don’t shy away from someone because of their political or religious views.   Our differences are what makes life interesting.  Instead, distance yourself when necessary based on character or their behavior.  It’s not the controversial opinions of a person that matter.  It’s what kind of person they are in their heart.  Judge the behavior, not the person.

Having the courage to speak your mind will show you very quickly who belongs in your life and who doesn’t.  And that’s all the matters.  You’re not losing friends. You’re just discovering who your real friends are, and making new ones.

Be who you are, give God glory and let people accept you or not.

 

 

Becoming a Prayer Warrior and How I pray

During the summer of 2015, I saw the movie "War Room".  After seeing this movie, I made a commitment to become a Prayer Warrior.   I started reading several books about prayer.   (There are so many good ones, but I highly recommend "Prayer Warrior:  The Power Praying Your Way to Victory" by Stormie Omartian) I began writing my personal prayer requests for my family and friends in a journal.   This was just the start of my quest to become a Prayer Warrior.  

In January 2016, I joined a Prayer Team dedicated to praying for church members and their friends and families, often times this required praying aloud with complete strangers.  

In July 2017, my husband gave up his "home office" so that I could transform it into a sitting room.  I was fortunate to retire my preschool business and spend more time at home.  I still work part-time as a substitute teacher, but I am blessed to enjoy an early retirement and do not take for granted my quiet time with God.  I now have this beautifully decorated quiet room to pray, read, and study the bible.  At times I am blessed with a visit from a friend for coffee and fellowship, or to mentor a family member or a friend in need.  I am truly grateful for this space and role as a Prayer Warrior!   I continue to pray God will use me and lead others to me to encourage and mentor.  

My best friend had my "life-verse" (Luke 8:15) framed for me and I made this "answered prayers plaque" in order to see how God has worked through me and provided hope.

In 2018 my faith was tested more than once.  I ended up needing three separate sinus surgeries and now am struggling with cough variant asthma.  I have an inverted papilloma (non-cancerous but aggressive tissue) in my maxillary sinus that must be checked every three months for the next five years.  It has required constant reminding that prayer is necessary and powerful!  I relied heavily on my faith, and The Holy Spirit's discernment regarding my symptoms and trusting my doctor's diagnosis and treatment options.  

How I pray?  My Prayer List consist of several categories and scripture versus to support.  I keep my list on a Word document so I can update it as needed and transfer "answered prayers" to my plague on the wall.  I find it easy to manage and I am able to recite names and lift up individual's and their circumstances to The Lord each time I pray for them.  I add a personal prayer for myself at the end.  Here are the categories and scriptures that correspond:  

Matt 9: 35-38 / Phil 4:6 / Matt 7:7-8

BLESSINGS/PROTECTION/SALVATION:  Jeremiah 29:11 / Proverbs 16:9

...here I list all the names of my immediate family members, in laws, aunts, uncles and cousins and close personal friends 

CANCER/ALZHEIMER/AUTO IMMUNE/INVISIBLE DISEASES: (2 Cor 4:16-19)

CHRONIC PAIN: (Psalm 46:1-3)

HOSPITAL CARE/RECOVERY: (Jeremiah 30:17)

GRIEF (Psalm 147:3)

DEPRESSION/MENTAL HEALTH: (2 Timothy 1:7)

ADDICTION: (Matthew 6:13)

JOBS/FINANCES: (Phil 4:19)   

RELATIONSHIPS/FORGIVENESS: (Phil 2:3 and 1 Peter 3:8-11)

PREGNANCIES: (Jeremiah 1:5)

DIRECTION/COUNSEL/DECISIONS/CHOICES: (Prov 16:9)

TRAVEL: (Luke 4:10)

SALVATION/RECONCILIATION WITH GOD: (Acts 26:18)

ME:  My Physical and Mental Health, My Christian walk as wife, mother, friend, church member, teacher/coach, and mentor.   Help me serve always and humbly.  I want to encourage, serve, love others and give GOD all the glory!  In Jesus name, AMEN

In conclusion, I would love to hear from you.  Are you a Prayer Warrior or are you inspired to become a prayer warrior?  Can I pray for you, and if so, what is your request?  

A new year - BE BOLD!

It is the first day of 2019 and I want to feel hopeful.  I want to be bold.  Instead, I feel scared, misunderstood, lonely, and discouraged.    

When I chose my "one-word" for 2019; I was told by a few negative influences in my life, that “being bold" is stupid, vulnerable, and thoughtless.  

I want to give God glory and encourage others.  Today, I have pushed the 'backspace key' on my keyboard more times that I can count.  Do I allow the enemy to silence me?  Why the word BOLD?  What was I thinking when I chose that word to focus on for 2019?

BOLD /bold/ adjective (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risk; confident and courageous.  

I'm not sure I am bold enough to share my thoughts.  I've been told I share too much.  HA!  If they only knew how much I hold back!

For me, being bold is not only risky, it will require much care and thought.  Some say "you shouldn't care what others think', but God says "tame the tongue" and "those who teach will be judged more strictly." (James 3)  I must be very careful in my boldness.  I don't want to be silenced, but I do want to hold back when it does not give God glory.  

I don't know my audience!  I write to an open audience in hopes that God will use me for His glory.   That is risky.  It requires boldness I don't possess.  I write to encourage, I write to teach, I write to bring awareness, I write to clear my head, I write for therapy, I write to release emotions.  I write to give God glory, but I often write in code out of fear.  

So, what I am writing about today?  Again...that "backspace key" is winning with the most hits. 

2019 is a time to change.  I have too many negative influences in my life.  I want to surround myself with those who encourage my writing, my story-telling, my singing, and my vlogging.  I'm tired of being discouraged for being who I am!  I'm tired of being silenced.    I want to be BOLD!  I'm going to have to rid some toxic people in my life in order to move forward.   Do you have toxic people bringing you down?  I can relate.  Let's pray about it together:

Lord, give me discernment in the selection of people in my life.  I pray that You would take anyone who is not a godly influence out of my life or else transform that person into Your likeness.  Your Word says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed" (Proverbs 13:20)  Lord, please fill any void or grief over a lost friend or family member in my life.  Bring comfort when I am lonely.  Help me find true friends to connect and share my life with, and be the person You created me to be.  Help me be bold in my walk with Your son Jesus, and it is in His name I pray, AMEN! 

Thoughts of a soon to be mother in law

We’ve all heard the mother-in-law jokes that portray the reality between many mothers and their son’s wives.  When I married my husband, I was not accepted and treated very badly.  I was bullied and ridiculed by my mother in law and sister in laws and deeply hurt.  Because of this, I refuse to be “one of those mothers-in-laws”.   

I am fortunate to have been raised by a very loving and Christian mother and I have heard many times through the years from my brother’s wives that they truly admire and feel loved by their mother-in-law.  I often wondered what it would have been like to have had that type of relationship.  Fortunately, in her last days on earth, she came to know Christ and accept Him as her Lord and Savior.  I have forgiven her and continue to work on my relationship with my two sisters-in-law.  That is for another time in another blog post when I feel led to tell that part of My story in The Story. 

By observing the relationship between my own mother and her four daughters-in-law, and most recently in my years of Bible study, I have discovered that I must lose my son to gain his wife. 

In the book of Ruth, Naomi’s husband and two sons die, leaving her a widow without an heir. Her son’s death forces Naomi to let him go.  Death doesn’t have to happen, however, for this "release" to take place.  In Ruth’s story, God works under the radar during Israel’s darkest days of the time of the judges.  Naomi’s acceptance captivates more than Ruth’s heart; it also gains her a grandson whose grandson is Israel’s beloved King David. Naomi gains so much more than she lost.

As I reflected on the relationship between my son and me, I realized that, although I had already been “letting him go” throughout his life (kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, mission trips), marriage would require a deeper release. In order to win her, I must "release" him.

As we are only 20 days from the new beginning between man and wife, where the two become one flesh, I find myself happy and sad.  It is bittersweet!  This separation means many things, both for them and for me. 

God gave an instruction to Eve before she had sons to prepare her for eventual separation – for a time when her son would become another woman’s husband, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Although she had years to process that event even then, it probably didn’t make it any easier when the time finally arrived to separate. 

I've made statements to Matt and Leslie that I would never interfere in their relationship—that I would not inject myself in their relationship in any way. Neither would ever wonder what I would say or do in response to any decision they make.  They would be safe to work out their stuff among themselves. Most importantly, Leslie would be safe from me.  Both of them needed to hear me say those words as much as I need to hear myself say those words and in writing this blog post I am keeping myself accountable!  Even today, I'm finding it necessary to "back off".  That doesn't mean it is easy, but the fact that I am willing is important, right?

I must not pretend to be other than the woman that I am.   

Even though Matt’s Leslie follows Christ, she needs to see me be me—not a presentation of who I want to be, but who I really am. Authentic.  Most importantly, I must accept her to win her. My daughter-in-law needs me to accept her for who she is and for who she isn’t—she is not I!  She enters into our relationship adored by my son and moving on her own path of growth in Christ.  Her gifts differ from mine, her strengths differ from mine, and her walk doesn’t necessarily look like mine. We are different, like Naomi and Ruth.

Ruth is a Moabite. She descends from Lot’s drunken liaison with his deceptive oldest daughter. Talk about baggage! But Naomi has her own baggage. Naomi in her grief initially fails to see the value of her daughter-in-law (“I went out full, and the LORD has brought me back empty,” 1:21). She embraces bitterness as her portion before seeing God’s work.

I must invite my daughter-in-law to join me on my own spiritual growth journey. Ruth brings Naomi home with her. “Now the two of them went until they came to Bethlehem. So, Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. Now they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest” (Ruth 1:19, 22).

Naomi doesn’t assume a position of superiority. She honors her daughter-in-law both by allowing her to go out for them and by counseling her concerning Boaz. Her story unfolds as she holds Ruth’s child on her lap while listening to her neighbors rejoice. Truly, God’s hand is for her and for His people!

I sit here imagining myself as a Grandmother…Lord, help me not be overbearing!

not a fan

It has been way too long since I have written in this blog! Honestly, I stopped writing in it because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed to be me! I was embarrassed to tell my story. I have so many stories to share and God keeps telling me to trust Him and share them, but I fear being judged, until I read Kyle Idleman's book: "not a fan" that is...so here is one I want to share today:

Today is the anniversary of my baptism. Four years ago today I stood in front of hundreds to testify my commitment to leave my life as I know it and follow Christ, but until today, until this moment, did I realize that I still hold back. This is a day to be excited about and I want to share my excitement!

The following statement is what I read to my pastors and about 100 others four years ago:

My name is Kathy Hawkins. I am married to Chris and have three sons, John, Matt, and Michael and a daughter Jessica. I was raised Catholic and grew up learning all the Catholic traditions and receiving sacraments. I was brought up to understand that my baptism as an infant, cleansed me of original sin and as I grew up I was taught that there were different types of sin. I never questioned it until later in my adult life when I became aware of other religious beliefs and started doing my own research. The internet made that very easy for me but it also confused me. So I decided to get myself a bible. (I got myself several and in all different versions and began studying all of them to be certain I was getting the TRUTH.) And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. (2 Corinthians 11:14 NIV). As I devoted more of my time with Christ and reading the Word, I became more and more aware that a sin is a sin...period, and I became more and more aware of my sins. (I thank Jesus every morning for what he did for me and grateful for a new start realizing how weak my flesh is and how desperate I am for His Spirit).

I began to question my religious beliefs. Often, I would spend hours in the night researching for TRUTH! I would pray "Lord, show me where YOU are; show me where I belong". In my journey to find the Truth, I yearned to be in a place where all my doubts would fade. In 2009, I fell away from my local church, but I still continued to seek THE LORD. (I got so confused about what religion was the true religion. Does God wants us to be Catholic, Baptist, Methodist...where did I belong?) I gave up all religion and decided to seek a relationship with Christ. My cousin Val recommended a book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Unfortunately, I became very aware of how "lukewarm" my devotion to Christ was and I quit reading it after Chapter 4. But, GOD didn't give up on me and I learned to pray for HIS will and trust HIS will, not mine. In my search for the Truth, Jesus showed me the importance of the local church - a Christian life should be lived in community, not isolation. Jesus loves the church and so should we. Jesus wants me in a church that makes followers of Jesus Christ, who in turn make followers of Jesus Christ.

In October 2011, my family joined Oakbridge Community Church and my oldest son John was the first in our family to go public with his commitment to follow Christ and be baptized in April 2012. By the way, I picked up that book “Crazy Love” once again and finished it, and now highly recommend it!

My Pastor Herc Noblitt challenged me to find a life verse. I took that challenge and I encourage those who have not yet done so, to do it. It certainly got me to read a ton of wonderful life changing scriptures. I knew eventually a verse would really speak to me. Luke 8:15 is my life verse: "But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." Yep! I choose to be of good soil! I testify that Jesus is THE WAY!

I want to live for Jesus! I want the life and wisdom of Jesus to so transform me that even when I'm not deliberately referencing a bible verse, I remind someone of Jesus. On this 12th day of Aug, 2012, I stand before all of you and testify my commitment to leave my life as I know it and follow Christ!

Kathy Hawkins,

Aug 12, 2012

Only my husband and kids and my dear friends Kurt and Lori were among those who were present to support my decision. I won't lie and tell you I was very sad not to share this moment with my close friends and family, but they wanted nothing to do with my decision. It has become my greatest desire to share the gospel, but I have limited myself with who I share it because I am worried about making them uncomfortable. I can't say it has not been a difficult transition...I lost many friends and even family have voiced their concern for me and my "loss of faith", but on the contrary my faith has never been stronger! "Followers understand that following Jesus is a pursuit that may cost them everything, but it is the best investment they could ever make. Followers will do some crazy things for love, but fans want to play it safe". - Kyle Idleman. I'm through "playing it safe".

In the last four years, my marriage almost ended, and friends and family have distanced themselves. I lost my identity! But if you ask me today if following Jesus cost you everything, would it still be worth it? I say firmly...YES!!

Letting Go....

It is extremely important to warn someone if you know they are walking down the wrong path, but it is even harder when you must watch them take that route anyway.  

As parents, we MUST allow our adult children to make their own choices, loving them unconditionally.  This sure is tough, but just like Our Father, we must warn them and consistently show them the right way, and hope and pray that they stop to listen and take a U-Turn.   And when they do, be there with open forgiving arms.  

This particular post is not God inspired, but instead a post to GOD.  I am struggling with this in my own life, as I have an 18 year old son.  There are times when I do not know where he is, or what he is doing. There are times when I find him in places that I know are unsafe or wrong,  and I want to grab him by the ear and take him home with me and make his choices for him, but I can't.  

So, instead I go to GOD, and read HIS Word!  This morning, I have been led to 2 Peter 1-15 and I find peace.  

Peter greets those "who have received a faith of the same kind as ours, by the righteousness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ", and I am truly grateful to have come this far in my faith, and my prayer today is that GOD will be present when I approach my son this afternoon, as I will attempt to follow in Peter's example in verse 12-15:  "Therefore, I will always be reaady to remind you of these things, even though you already know them, and have been established in the truth which is present with you.  I consider it right, as long as I am in this earthly dwelling, to stir you up by way of reminder, knowing that the laying aside of my earthly dwelling is imminent, as also our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me.  And I will also be diligent that at any time after my departure you will be able to call these things to mind."  

This is My Story in The story, and today I hope it brings other parents with adult children some kind of peace.  Don't NOT warn and instruct your adult child, but DO let them make their own choices.  I know how very dificult this is, but remember GOD loves U-turns, and as parents we do too!  

Thank You Father, for instilling me with this knowledge and Thank You Father for bringing me peace this morning.  Thank You Father for being ever so present in my parenting, and I ask that You be present in this particular situation today.  I give my concern to You, and trust and believe in Your plan for My son.  AMEN

Don't hold back...

I have found it difficult to let myself become vulnerable with my blog these past couple of weeks.  I have felt GOD's calling to do so....but because of fear, I hold back.  I have let worry take over my desire to blog.    I have listened to the world instead of GOD.  I admit it, and I continue to pray about it.

Have you ever felt a strong desire to say something to someone, yet you don't because you are afraid how they might react?  Father, I give this concern to you, and I continue to ask for you to give me the courage I need, to do what you want me to do.

Yesterday, I was made aware of something my husband did that made me very proud of him.  You see...my husband doesn't hold back.  He has always said what is on his mind.  Often times, I have judged him for this, but more recently I commend him for it.

My daughter has adopted a new set of "grandparents".  We have new neighbors across the street and Jessica has been visiting them daily for the last couple of weeks.   They are a retired couple and seem to really enjoy her daily visits.  At least for now; I do hope she does not wear-out her welcome.  I worry about that, and have mentioned it to them several times, but they insist they look forward to her ringing their door bell.

Yesterday, I looked out my window and noticed she was helping them decorate their yard with Christmas lights and candy canes, and a beautiful sleigh with reindeer and a waving Santa Claus.  I walked across the street to make sure she was not getting in the way.  He insisted she was a delight and part of the reason they were decorating.   He continued to explain that it had been seven years since they celebrated Christmas, or decorated at all; not even a Christmas tree had been on display in their home.  Seven years!  I was shocked!  He explained to me that due to a "falling out" with his daughter, they no longer had a reason to celebrate Christmas.  They have two grandchildren and have not spent Christmas with them in seven years!

They mentioned this to my husband a few days ago, and something my husband said to them, made them change their minds about Christmas.  My husband in a matter of words, said to them that they were going about it all wrong.   He explained to them, their pride was overtaking their love!

Yesterday, my neighbor told me it was because of what my husband said to him, that made him change.
Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. (1 Thessalonians 5:15 NIV)

He decided to stop being prideful and share his love! They are going "all out" this year; their outdoor lights blink to the sound of Christmas music and with Jessica's encouragement their home will resemble a gingerbread house by the weekend!

I invited them to celebrate Christmas with our family, but my real hope is that they decline for a reason that they will be sharing it with their daughter and her family instead for the first time in seven years.

My husband made a difference because he didn't hold back!  Can you imagine what a difference we can make, if we just listen and let the Holy Spirit talk for us?

Please pray for me....I don't want to hold back!

For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them. (Isaiah 58:2 NIV)