Me, a sinner?

Dear Father, 

You have given me something to think about today; please be with me as I work to decipher what is on my mind.  

I grew up going to a Catholic school.  A few times a year, we were given the opportunity to speak confidentially to a priest and confess our sins.  As a kid, I always dreaded the task of trying to figure out what I did that was wrong.    I would struggle coming up with my sins.  I was a good kid.  I didn't do wrong.  This was always difficult for me.  I didn't steal, I didn't sneak out of the house, I didnt hit my friends, or disrespect my teachers.  I honored my parents (I actually feared not to, lol).  I really didn't think of myself as a sinner.

A nun once explained to me that every time we sin, our soul gets a black spot on it, and when we confess our sins to God through a priest, he washes our soul and makes it white again.  I always felt wonderful after I received the sacrament of confession.   I would tell the priest that I fought with my little sister,  or didn't empty the dishwasher when I was told, then I was given my "consequence" (say two "Hail Mary's" and an "Our Father"),  and my soul was cleansed white as snow, like a fresh start!

Later in my adult life, I didn't have quite as difficult a time knowing when I sinned.   I actually looked forward to when the sacrament of confession was being offered.  Not that it needed to be more than once or twice a year though.  I didn't sin often...well, at least I didn't realize I did.  

A few years ago, I started questioning my Catholic Faith.  I didn't question GOD, I just started questioning Man.  I started letting God guide me.  Not until recently, did I realize I need to strengthen my relationship with Christ.  Praying before bed each night and making a conscience effort to be a good person was not going to exactly get me to heaven.  God helped me understand there was a lot more than living with this one scripture:  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16  

This summer, I took a big step in my faith, and got baptized and started studying God's word on a daily basis.  I somehow have become very aware of how often I sin, everyday in fact!  The closer my relationship is with Christ, the more I become aware of my sins.  I am learning to acknowledge my daily sins, and grateful to be righteous with Christ through my baptism and not be bound by my sins.  Lord, please continue to make me aware of my sins everyday, so that I may repent and work to walk with you every day I am on earth until I am with you in heaven.  AMEN!