Don't hold back...

I have found it difficult to let myself become vulnerable with my blog these past couple of weeks.  I have felt GOD's calling to do so....but because of fear, I hold back.  I have let worry take over my desire to blog.    I have listened to the world instead of GOD.  I admit it, and I continue to pray about it.

Have you ever felt a strong desire to say something to someone, yet you don't because you are afraid how they might react?  Father, I give this concern to you, and I continue to ask for you to give me the courage I need, to do what you want me to do.

Yesterday, I was made aware of something my husband did that made me very proud of him.  You see...my husband doesn't hold back.  He has always said what is on his mind.  Often times, I have judged him for this, but more recently I commend him for it.

My daughter has adopted a new set of "grandparents".  We have new neighbors across the street and Jessica has been visiting them daily for the last couple of weeks.   They are a retired couple and seem to really enjoy her daily visits.  At least for now; I do hope she does not wear-out her welcome.  I worry about that, and have mentioned it to them several times, but they insist they look forward to her ringing their door bell.

Yesterday, I looked out my window and noticed she was helping them decorate their yard with Christmas lights and candy canes, and a beautiful sleigh with reindeer and a waving Santa Claus.  I walked across the street to make sure she was not getting in the way.  He insisted she was a delight and part of the reason they were decorating.   He continued to explain that it had been seven years since they celebrated Christmas, or decorated at all; not even a Christmas tree had been on display in their home.  Seven years!  I was shocked!  He explained to me that due to a "falling out" with his daughter, they no longer had a reason to celebrate Christmas.  They have two grandchildren and have not spent Christmas with them in seven years!

They mentioned this to my husband a few days ago, and something my husband said to them, made them change their minds about Christmas.  My husband in a matter of words, said to them that they were going about it all wrong.   He explained to them, their pride was overtaking their love!

Yesterday, my neighbor told me it was because of what my husband said to him, that made him change.
Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. (1 Thessalonians 5:15 NIV)

He decided to stop being prideful and share his love! They are going "all out" this year; their outdoor lights blink to the sound of Christmas music and with Jessica's encouragement their home will resemble a gingerbread house by the weekend!

I invited them to celebrate Christmas with our family, but my real hope is that they decline for a reason that they will be sharing it with their daughter and her family instead for the first time in seven years.

My husband made a difference because he didn't hold back!  Can you imagine what a difference we can make, if we just listen and let the Holy Spirit talk for us?

Please pray for me....I don't want to hold back!

For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them. (Isaiah 58:2 NIV)

Invisible Friend

I have been wondering when I would be inspired to write again.  Not much has moved me this week. Something about Sundays that gives me a boost!  I couldn't wait to come home and write today.

This has been an interesting week.  My four year old has entered a new stage of imagination!

Jessica is with me all day; we are with other preschoolers in the mornings, but since school started there are no children in the neighborhood, so Jessica gets lonely in the afternoons.  Chris has been busier than usual with work, and her brothers have a new video game, so she has not had the attention she is used to having, and I have had my fill of her, if you know what I mean.

On our way to the grocery store this week, Jessica introduced me to her new "friends".  She informed me they were in the back seat of our car, and asked me if it was okay if they come in the store with us.  I am embarrassed to tell you my response was not very nice.  I said,  "Jessica, I am so tired and really wanted you to stay home with Michael, so, no, your friends will just have to wait in the car!"  She seemed to realize my lack of imagination at the time, so she decided to appease me.   When we got back to the car, she apologized to her friends for making them wait, and promised a tea party with them as soon as we got home.  She then told me I could come too, but suggested I take a nap first.   I have not been inspired to blog until today.

These "friends" have moved into our home!   On the way to church this morning, she informed her brother Michael that he would have to sit in the middle seat between her and Matt instead of the very back where he usually sits, because her friends were already back there.   My 13 year old was not too happy to sit in the narrow middle seat, but due to his little sister's persistance, he appeased HER this time.  

My husband, however, is a man of extreme patience when it comes to Jessica and her imagination!  He went right along with everything she and her "friends" had to say this morning.    He managed to calm Michael down and enlight us all!  He suggested Jessica add 1 more friends to her group.  He suggested she add Jesus!  My husband is a genius!

I know I am thrilled to have Jesus as my invisible friend, and I LOVE that HE is every where I go!  Even when I forget He is there.  My pastor said it best...GOD LOVES U-TURNS!   I took a big U-turn on the way to church this morning in regards to Jessica and her "friends".  I am thrilled she has these "friends" and even more excited that Jesus has joined the group!

You know what?  Once you become a Christ follower, you never have to be alone!  GOD is everywhere, and HE is always right beside you!  Talk to HIM, HE is listening!  He wants to be in your life!

If you have not accepted Jesus as your personal savior, it is never too late.

1. Confess your sins and admit that you are a sinner. See Romans 3:10

2. Be willing and ready to repent from your sins. See Acts 17:30

3. Believe that Jesus died on the cross for you, was buried, and rose from the dead. See Rom 10:9-10

4. Pray and invite Jesus to come into your life and become your personal savior. See Rom 10:13

5. Read and study the Holy bible and fellowship with other Christians. 

GOD BLESS!

Michael

Michael is my 13 year old son.  He is the third born of four children.

I remember when Chris and I were awaiting the news of our ultra sound of our third child.
I was very certain that GOD intended for me to have a little girl someday.
So, when the nurse informed us that I was carrying another boy, I looked at Chris and muttered between my teeth "one more, real quick, that's it!"

However, it was not soon after Michael learned to crawl that I remember saying "no more, that's it, get fixed!"

Michael was a difficult child to raise, but I sure do cherish those days now!  The first 10 years of that boys life, I wondered if he may actually have a demon in him.  I prayed over that boys room night after night!

At the age of 6, Michael was diagnosed with ADHD and with the help of medication, he became a little more tolerable and easier to raise.  He still gave us quite a challenge, but with consistence and GOD's guidance, he has matured into a very smart and lovable kid!  

I am so proud of Michael!  He is smart, funny, loving, compassionate, and a pure joy to be around!
Last night, he stood in front of many and gave his baptismal testimony!

My heart warms with memories of Michael and how difficult life was wondering if I was raising him with enough love and discipline.  But, because GOD is so good and trusting, I know HE has answered my prayers!  GOD has BIG plans for Michael and I am very excited to watch Michael grow in HIS faith!

Thank you GOD for allowing me to be Michael's mother!  Thank you for YOUR continued guidance as I parent Michael according to YOUR will!

I am very confident that Michael will make a difference in many people's lives!  He can read people; he has a gift to make others feel good about themselves.  He brings laughter to many with his charm!
I love my KID!  Thank you GOD for Michael!!

Hormones

I choose to write about MY story in THE story, and tonight I want to write about what I am feeling, and I am feeling hormonal!  Hormonally balanced that is...

Due to fascinating bio-medical science, I am a 44 year old woman experiencing my life as a twenty year old woman all over again!  Can I get a WOOP, WOOP!!!  

You know...LIFE IS GOOD!  I am happily married to a very loving husband, and wonderful father, and better yet..man of GOD who is also very fit, I might add!  TMI?  perhaps...but I just want to shout to the roof tops!!

Being hormonally balanced is so important!  Are you taking anti-depressents?  Are you experience fatigue?  Are you depressed?  Do you have low sex drive?  When was the last time you had a blood test to see where your hormone levels were?  

I had a complete hysterectomy in 2008!  For 4 years I dealt with hormonal imbalance, taking anti-depressants, and suffering with weight gain, low self-esteeem, fatigue and low sex drive.   NO MORE!

I highly recommend you seek a hormone specialist in your area and check into bi-medical hormone replacement therapy.  

I will leave you with a link to a fun video tonight....to  express how I feel!  

I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBkoJLclZkk

Enlightened in 2012 - Part 2

I became a yo-yo-dieter.  I lost and gained the same 15 pounds three times over the course of one year.   I had let my weight define who I was.  I didn't love myself, and I was not letting anyone else love me either, including my husband.  Did I mention my turmoil over the last 10 years?  The details are really meaningless at this point, but let's just say it was pure turmoil!

I spent this entire year examining my turmoil with a new perspective, without blame.   Who am I to judge, right?

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor? (James 4:11, 12 NIV)

I blamed everything, and everyone, including myself for my turmoil.   I prayed...but looking back now...they were empty prayers.  They were selfish prayers.  I have never been very patient either, I prayed according to MY will, not GOD's wills!   

      

This spring, my family started going to church...TOGETHER!  My husband was never one to pray, or attend church.  This was one of those prayers that tried my patience!  GOD needed me to trust HIM with this one, but I was nearing my rope if you know what I mean.  

I also began studying the bible this summer, and I continue to study Scripture daily.  I have always read scripture, but until recently did I study The Word.  There really is a big difference, and I highly recommend it.

I no longer let my weight define me.  I LIVE FOR JESUS!  CHRIST DEFINES ME!  

I am learning to seek GOD's WILL and I hope this blog is enlightening.  As I believe in my church's mission statement and understand it to be HIS will "to make followers of Jesus Christ who in turn make followers of Jesus Christ."

If you are not currently seeking GOD, I encourage you to find a good bible-based church.  I believe it is important for every believer to have a healthy church home where they can connect with other believers and grow in their faith.   MAY GOD BLESS YOU!

Enlightened in 2012 - Part 1

I have been on a self-worth journey since the beginning of 2012 and nearing the year end, I am finally enlightened!   I feel the need to point out, that it has not always been so easy for me to be so open and vulnerable with my personal business.     But I DO know that it sure is easier when GOD instructs you to do it, and I trust HE is using me to do a great work.

So on to more personal stuff...
In 2010, I was the heaviest and saddest I had every been.  I was 50 pounds too heavy for my frame, and my marriage was failing for like the sixth time!  (This is yet another blog, I am sure GOD is leading me to write, but I have some more to pray about before I provide details on that subject.)

I discovered a weight loss protocol "Pounds and Inches", that was actually discovered by Dr. A.T.W. Simeons sometime in the early 1960's, but the American diet industry suppressed it for 40 years.  I researched this protocol for several months before I actually decided to try it.  It worked; I lost 50 pounds in four months following the protocol using HCG Hormone diet drops.

I documented my weight loss with a video diary on the internet, and I met several other "dieters" who also did the same thing.  A few of the women decided to meet and run a half-marathon together.  I had only flown in a plane less than five times in my life, and never once alone, so you can imagine my family's reaction when I said I was going to do this.   I was rediscovering myself!  I was that skinny girl again, that happy-go-lucky, no care in the world girl, again!  The women I met, knew that girl...ME, but I had forgotten who she was.  That girl had been missing for 10 years, and entire decade!

Well, I managed to maintain my weightloss for a year and half.  Life was good, I was confident again, and my marriage was better than it ever had been.  Until, I started gaining back some of the weight.  I immediately became lost again.  My self-esteem was dwindling, and I found myself depressed with very low self-esteem and my marriage was failing worse than ever before!  With every pound I gained, I found myself disliking myself all over again!

But wait...the HCG Diet...it worked before...yeah, I went on that roller coaster ride a few more times, but why wasn't it working the way it did before?
I have so much more to tell you, but I will have to conclude this part of my journey in another post...

My fourth decade: 2000's

Wow, my life is literally flashing before my eyes!

I sit in the same kitchen tonight that was built in October of 2000!  Chris and I moved four times before settling in this home.    We have been here more than a decade!

I really don't know where to begin to describe these 10 years of my story.  So much has happened!
As I take a deep breath, I realize I may not have the strength to re-live it.   I think I may have tried to block a lot of it out of my memory for a good reason.

I don't know how much of my story GOD intends for me to tell.  So I will sit awhile and pray....

My husband's mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2000.  She was confined to a chair for four years, and died in April, 2004.   I did not have a loving relationship with my mother-in-law or her daughters.  In fact, it was quite torturous to be around them most of the time.   I hesitate even today to bring any of the past to the present because it is exactly that...in the past!  I can't say I did not suffer emotionally from Satans attacks, but I can tell you I survived!  GOD is my strength and my refuge!

I was able to resolve my relationship with my mother-in-law before she passed, but the scars that were left took several more years to heal.

In 2006, Chris and I were going through another rough spot in our marriage  He was traveling frequently and I was suffering from depression after miscarrying a baby.  Satan kept us in his web for a few years.  We stopped going to church too.  I did everything possible to stay close to Christ during these trials, and HE never left my side.

I opened my  preschool business later that year, and firmly believe it is a calling from GOD.  HE continues to bless me each year with enduring children to teach!

In 2007, I became pregnant with a baby girl!  The doctors did not give us much hope, however, because a tumor was sure to cause another miscarry.  I was overwhelmed with faith that GOD was going to give me a daughter.  I held on to my faith every week, even though the doctors kept telling me she would not survive.  At 20 weeks, I had surgery to remove the tumor that was growing right beside my little girl, and went into labor.  The labor was stopped, but I was bed-ridden for the rest of my trimester.

Jessica was born in Feb, 2008 a very healthy baby girl!  I dealt with a few more problems after child birth and had a complete hysterectomy later that year.  Menapause at 40 meant depression, weight gain, and more marital problems.

In 2010, I discovered the HCG Diet!  I started a weight loss journey and lost 50 pounds in four months and ran my first half-marathon.  I thought being thin would make me happy....I will tell you more in my next post....