I have been on a self-worth journey since the beginning of 2012 and nearing the year end, I am finally enlightened! I feel the need to point out, that it has not always been so easy for me to be so open and vulnerable with my personal business. But I DO know that it sure is easier when GOD instructs you to do it, and I trust HE is using me to do a great work.
So on to more personal stuff...
In 2010, I was the heaviest and saddest I had every been. I was 50 pounds too heavy for my frame, and my marriage was failing for like the sixth time! (This is yet another blog, I am sure GOD is leading me to write, but I have some more to pray about before I provide details on that subject.)
I discovered a weight loss protocol "Pounds and Inches", that was actually discovered by Dr. A.T.W. Simeons sometime in the early 1960's, but the American diet industry suppressed it for 40 years. I researched this protocol for several months before I actually decided to try it. It worked; I lost 50 pounds in four months following the protocol using HCG Hormone diet drops.
I documented my weight loss with a video diary on the internet, and I met several other "dieters" who also did the same thing. A few of the women decided to meet and run a half-marathon together. I had only flown in a plane less than five times in my life, and never once alone, so you can imagine my family's reaction when I said I was going to do this. I was rediscovering myself! I was that skinny girl again, that happy-go-lucky, no care in the world girl, again! The women I met, knew that girl...ME, but I had forgotten who she was. That girl had been missing for 10 years, and entire decade!
Well, I managed to maintain my weightloss for a year and half. Life was good, I was confident again, and my marriage was better than it ever had been. Until, I started gaining back some of the weight. I immediately became lost again. My self-esteem was dwindling, and I found myself depressed with very low self-esteem and my marriage was failing worse than ever before! With every pound I gained, I found myself disliking myself all over again!
But wait...the HCG Diet...it worked before...yeah, I went on that roller coaster ride a few more times, but why wasn't it working the way it did before?
I have so much more to tell you, but I will have to conclude this part of my journey in another post...
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
My fourth decade: 2000's
Wow, my life is literally flashing before my eyes!
I sit in the same kitchen tonight that was built in October of 2000! Chris and I moved four times before settling in this home. We have been here more than a decade!
I really don't know where to begin to describe these 10 years of my story. So much has happened!
As I take a deep breath, I realize I may not have the strength to re-live it. I think I may have tried to block a lot of it out of my memory for a good reason.
I don't know how much of my story GOD intends for me to tell. So I will sit awhile and pray....
My husband's mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2000. She was confined to a chair for four years, and died in April, 2004. I did not have a loving relationship with my mother-in-law or her daughters. In fact, it was quite torturous to be around them most of the time. I hesitate even today to bring any of the past to the present because it is exactly that...in the past! I can't say I did not suffer emotionally from Satans attacks, but I can tell you I survived! GOD is my strength and my refuge!
I was able to resolve my relationship with my mother-in-law before she passed, but the scars that were left took several more years to heal.
In 2006, Chris and I were going through another rough spot in our marriage He was traveling frequently and I was suffering from depression after miscarrying a baby. Satan kept us in his web for a few years. We stopped going to church too. I did everything possible to stay close to Christ during these trials, and HE never left my side.
I opened my preschool business later that year, and firmly believe it is a calling from GOD. HE continues to bless me each year with enduring children to teach!
In 2007, I became pregnant with a baby girl! The doctors did not give us much hope, however, because a tumor was sure to cause another miscarry. I was overwhelmed with faith that GOD was going to give me a daughter. I held on to my faith every week, even though the doctors kept telling me she would not survive. At 20 weeks, I had surgery to remove the tumor that was growing right beside my little girl, and went into labor. The labor was stopped, but I was bed-ridden for the rest of my trimester.
Jessica was born in Feb, 2008 a very healthy baby girl! I dealt with a few more problems after child birth and had a complete hysterectomy later that year. Menapause at 40 meant depression, weight gain, and more marital problems.
In 2010, I discovered the HCG Diet! I started a weight loss journey and lost 50 pounds in four months and ran my first half-marathon. I thought being thin would make me happy....I will tell you more in my next post....
I sit in the same kitchen tonight that was built in October of 2000! Chris and I moved four times before settling in this home. We have been here more than a decade!
I really don't know where to begin to describe these 10 years of my story. So much has happened!
As I take a deep breath, I realize I may not have the strength to re-live it. I think I may have tried to block a lot of it out of my memory for a good reason.
I don't know how much of my story GOD intends for me to tell. So I will sit awhile and pray....
My husband's mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2000. She was confined to a chair for four years, and died in April, 2004. I did not have a loving relationship with my mother-in-law or her daughters. In fact, it was quite torturous to be around them most of the time. I hesitate even today to bring any of the past to the present because it is exactly that...in the past! I can't say I did not suffer emotionally from Satans attacks, but I can tell you I survived! GOD is my strength and my refuge!
I was able to resolve my relationship with my mother-in-law before she passed, but the scars that were left took several more years to heal.
In 2006, Chris and I were going through another rough spot in our marriage He was traveling frequently and I was suffering from depression after miscarrying a baby. Satan kept us in his web for a few years. We stopped going to church too. I did everything possible to stay close to Christ during these trials, and HE never left my side.
I opened my preschool business later that year, and firmly believe it is a calling from GOD. HE continues to bless me each year with enduring children to teach!
In 2007, I became pregnant with a baby girl! The doctors did not give us much hope, however, because a tumor was sure to cause another miscarry. I was overwhelmed with faith that GOD was going to give me a daughter. I held on to my faith every week, even though the doctors kept telling me she would not survive. At 20 weeks, I had surgery to remove the tumor that was growing right beside my little girl, and went into labor. The labor was stopped, but I was bed-ridden for the rest of my trimester.
Jessica was born in Feb, 2008 a very healthy baby girl! I dealt with a few more problems after child birth and had a complete hysterectomy later that year. Menapause at 40 meant depression, weight gain, and more marital problems.
In 2010, I discovered the HCG Diet! I started a weight loss journey and lost 50 pounds in four months and ran my first half-marathon. I thought being thin would make me happy....I will tell you more in my next post....
My third decade: 1990's
I never took my education seriously. I suppose I would have done things differently if I would not have lucked into such a great job at a young age. I mentioned in my last posts, that I worked at a manufacturing company in the summer months through out my highschool and college years.
I was a natural athlete, and actually turned down several full-ride scholarships to Universities across the United States due to the distance away from my home. I really didn't care to go to college at all! I was "in love" with a boy from home, and I already had a great job, so in my mind, why go away. My parents encouraged me to extend my education, and helped me choose a University that was only a few hours away, and also I had two cousins already attending that same school.
If I did it all over again, I would have followed my passion for music and drama instead of Business Administration, but I had the job, so I went that route. I met many wondeful friends during my college days, but I can't say much for my education. I studied only enough to maintain my grades to keep my track scholarhsip.
After college, I was hired full time at the same manufacturer I had worked since I was 16. I learned pretty quickly, it is not always "what" you know, but also "who" you know. I managed to work my way up the corporate ladder and forgot all about my "dreams", until I met Chris, the TRUE love of my life! I was fairly confident then and very confident now, that this was GOD's plan for me all along!
Chris and I married in 1992, gave birth to our first son in 1994, moved out of our "starter home" into a "family home" in 1995, quit my career to become a stay-at-home mom and had our second son in 1996. We moved "back home" near our parents in 1998, and had our third son in 1999.
Of course, many things happened (good and bad) during those child bearing and moving years, but those incredible events will have to be seperate blogs....(I promise)...on to my next decade...
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
My second decade: 1980's
I was 12 years old in 1980.
I started babysitting at the age of 12. My first babysitting job was a neighbor infant. I sure am glad I was only a house away from my own mom, because when that diaper exploded...let's just say the memory will be forever marked in my brain!
I loved babysitting; in fact, I know GOD was preparing me for a calling. It is why I am a preschool teacher today! I had a standing babysitting position for several years. Every Friday and Saturday night, I would trade sitting for two families. I think I only "messed up" once. The story is too funny not to share...
Believe it or not, I was instructed to give the child a suppository! I was 13 years old at the time, and I was proud of how mature I handled the request. "No problem, what time would you like for me to give it to him?" I said. I thought it was a pill to be chewed, and the child did what I asked him to do with it. Of course he spit it out, but I was smarter than him, so I tricked him and put it in a piece of bread. When the parents returned home, as usual, the children were sleeping peacefully. I had a knack for getting them to sleep....I wore them out! The mother asked if I had any problems with giving the suppository, and I proudly told her about my trick to get him to swallow it. She gasped! Luckily, nothing happened and the child slept fine and I was forgiven. I was 13 years old, for Pete's sake!
I really was a great babysitter, and I cared deeply for the kids. I watched out for them, and sometimes took them to the park or skating rink on my days off.
I finally discovered boys around the age of 15. I had been spending a lot of time at the pool, and since you
you don't wear glasses when you swim, I suppose I started looking more attractive. My dad was very strict, and he made a rule that I was not allowed to date until I was 17, and even then I had to double date. There was no rule about kissing though, and I remember it like it was yesterday! I doubt it was his first kiss, but I do hope he remembers kissing me. It sure will always be very special to me!
The summer I turned 16, I got a job working as a "copy girl" at a large manufacturing company in the city. It was a 45 minute drive, and I didn't own a car, so I carpooled. My mom would take me to the carpool lot at 6 am, I worked 7:30-4:00, and on good days with low traffic, I would get home by 5. I was very glad to have money. I spent ever dime I made too. I grew up poor, remember, so it was great to finally be able to dress and "fit in". I realized how much more attractive I was without my glasses too, so I stopped wearing them all together!
My first official "date" was one my father had to approve of. He persuaded my brother to ask one of his friends to take me to a school dance. Lucky for me, I was in love with just about everyone of my brother's best friends, so I was just peachy with that news!
My first true love was at the age of 17. My high school sweetheart broke my heart. I was so in love, I thought I would marry him someday! I am certain I am not the only woman who thought she would marry her first true love.
I graduated from high school in 1986. I dated many more boys over the course of the next three years, but fell in love again in 1989. And of course, I assumed I would marry him. My college sweetheart broke my heart too. It took two years to get over that one!
The next decade is when I met my REAL true love...you can read about that in my next post.
I started babysitting at the age of 12. My first babysitting job was a neighbor infant. I sure am glad I was only a house away from my own mom, because when that diaper exploded...let's just say the memory will be forever marked in my brain!
I loved babysitting; in fact, I know GOD was preparing me for a calling. It is why I am a preschool teacher today! I had a standing babysitting position for several years. Every Friday and Saturday night, I would trade sitting for two families. I think I only "messed up" once. The story is too funny not to share...
Believe it or not, I was instructed to give the child a suppository! I was 13 years old at the time, and I was proud of how mature I handled the request. "No problem, what time would you like for me to give it to him?" I said. I thought it was a pill to be chewed, and the child did what I asked him to do with it. Of course he spit it out, but I was smarter than him, so I tricked him and put it in a piece of bread. When the parents returned home, as usual, the children were sleeping peacefully. I had a knack for getting them to sleep....I wore them out! The mother asked if I had any problems with giving the suppository, and I proudly told her about my trick to get him to swallow it. She gasped! Luckily, nothing happened and the child slept fine and I was forgiven. I was 13 years old, for Pete's sake!
I really was a great babysitter, and I cared deeply for the kids. I watched out for them, and sometimes took them to the park or skating rink on my days off.
I finally discovered boys around the age of 15. I had been spending a lot of time at the pool, and since you
you don't wear glasses when you swim, I suppose I started looking more attractive. My dad was very strict, and he made a rule that I was not allowed to date until I was 17, and even then I had to double date. There was no rule about kissing though, and I remember it like it was yesterday! I doubt it was his first kiss, but I do hope he remembers kissing me. It sure will always be very special to me!
The summer I turned 16, I got a job working as a "copy girl" at a large manufacturing company in the city. It was a 45 minute drive, and I didn't own a car, so I carpooled. My mom would take me to the carpool lot at 6 am, I worked 7:30-4:00, and on good days with low traffic, I would get home by 5. I was very glad to have money. I spent ever dime I made too. I grew up poor, remember, so it was great to finally be able to dress and "fit in". I realized how much more attractive I was without my glasses too, so I stopped wearing them all together!
My first official "date" was one my father had to approve of. He persuaded my brother to ask one of his friends to take me to a school dance. Lucky for me, I was in love with just about everyone of my brother's best friends, so I was just peachy with that news!
My first true love was at the age of 17. My high school sweetheart broke my heart. I was so in love, I thought I would marry him someday! I am certain I am not the only woman who thought she would marry her first true love.
I graduated from high school in 1986. I dated many more boys over the course of the next three years, but fell in love again in 1989. And of course, I assumed I would marry him. My college sweetheart broke my heart too. It took two years to get over that one!
The next decade is when I met my REAL true love...you can read about that in my next post.
My first decade: 1970's
Since I started blogging in my mid 40's, I realize I may need to catch you up on a few years. Ok, more than several years....before I go too much farther into my youth diary; however, I must admt that my memory is not very good. So, I can only tell you how I remember things. Whether they are factual or not, they are my memories.
I suppose I could start with when I was born, but I think I need to provide a little information about my parents first.
My Dad had planned to be a Priest, and my Mom, a Nun. They met while working for the same Catholic Publication company. GOD had a slightly different calling for their lives. They got married and had six children!
I suppose I could start with when I was born, but I think I need to provide a little information about my parents first.
My Dad had planned to be a Priest, and my Mom, a Nun. They met while working for the same Catholic Publication company. GOD had a slightly different calling for their lives. They got married and had six children!
I was born in the spring of 1968. My mom had four boys between 1960 and the fall of 1966, and 17 months later, I was born. The first girl after four boys! My sister was born three years later.
I loved growing up in a small town. I either rode my bike or walked, and I don't really remember having any boundaries, as long as I was home moments after the street lights came on. Back in the 1970's, kids were outside climbing trees, and exploring the woods and railroad tracks. My brothers really didn't like me tagging along, but they always said as long as I could keep up, I was welcome to follow them. You can imagine, I was quite the "tom boy".
We were a tight knit family. Eight family members shared one television, as well as one bathroom! Needlesstosay, there was not much privacy, if you know what I mean!
Looking back, I would say we were poor, but I didn't really know it. My Dad worked hard to send us to private school. I suppose that is why we only had one vehicle. I guess I never really thought about it before now, but even though you could get to my school in five minutes in a car, it took more than an hour and half on the bus, not because of the many stops, but because of the infrequent stops between towns. Most of the kids in my neighborhood attended the public school, so the Catholic school kids lived all over and in neighboring towns. My school was small and only had one bus, so you can imagine the miles I traveled each morning and afternoon! I don't know if my older brothers would remember it the same way, but this is how I remember it. My bus driver was a crazy driver and rarely drove the speed limit and had no regard to railroad tracks or pot holes!
I really don't remember a lot about my childhood, and I asked my mom to help me remember. She told me she doesn't remember it either, because she was too busy dealing with my brothers. She tells me I was a good kid and she didn't have to worry about me. I do know that I spent many weekends and most of my summer days at the pool, or at a neighbors house. There was family that lived on a street behind me with two girls my age. I think I lived with them! I remember ringing their door early in the mornings, and running home to eat a pbj sandwich, and going right back over until dinner!
I do remember being very active, playing kickball in the street, running through the mosquitto spray truck getting lost in the "fog of chemical", and having no care in the world! I never was a Girl Scout, or involved with extra curiculur activies but I do remember being a happy child!
I can remember a little more from the 1980's, so if you are interested, you can learn more in my next post.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Purple Puzzle Tree
UPDATE: I recorded them on youtube:
Yes, I am dating myself, as I did mention "record" series. You remember, the big 33 record albums from the 1970's? I LOVED my Purple Puzzle Tree series! I listended to them many times almost daily for years!
This series consisted of 6 record sets including 36 story books of children bible stories written by Norman Habel. He was asked to write 36 stories for a grade school (Bethel Primary School, in St. Louis). My Dad had worked for Ligouri Publications, and they sold the series for Concordia Publishing House. Well over a million copies were sold!
I listened to them so often, that still today I have the song memorized and sing it every time I think about it! "God had a puzzle plan, a plan for you and me! To fit together piece by piece, in his purple puzzle tree. Tiger, tiger, tell me do you fly? Do you slink around the ground or soar about the sky? God made tigers, God made you and me, to fit together piece by piece in a purple puzzle tree. ... You will find the pieces fit, much to your surprise, when you learn to see God's world through laughing children's eyes."
When I was pregnant with my first son, I remember heading home to gather the series so that I could share it with my own children. Much to my dismay, my mom no longer had the books, but she did have the records, so I spent an entire afternoon searching for a record player, so that I could record the records onto cassette tapes so I could play them in the car! (I know, I'm still dating myself...)
I have tried to find copies of the books, but unfortunately they are hard to come by as a series and to purchase them individually (if you can find them), can be very costly. And today, for the life of me...I CAN'T find the cassette tapes! I know they HAVE to be around here somewhere!
In my research today, I realized Concordia Publishing House stopped printing the orig., but now the Lutheran Church of Australia is taking the initiative to revive The Purple Puzzle Tree as a DVD with Norman Habel, now fifty years later, as The Old Storyteller sitting in front of a huge purple tree with leaves that bear images from the stories.
Here is a link to one of the stories that Norman is working to revive. I am sad to know that only the first 12 books are available to purchase on dvd. I really hope someday to find the book series!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ehXF5Ex1Bc
Oh....how I want my little girl Jessica to experience these wonderful bible stories as I did!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Optimism
Strawberry Shortcake is known for her huge heart and her spirited, "can-do" attitude! Strawberry Shortcake may be itty bitty, but she's full of "Berry, big possibilities"! Every day is a "Berry good day" with Strawberry Shortcake around!
We can all learn a valuable lesson from this sweet character who has enough optimism to fill a whole strawberry field! With the right attitude, you can overcome any obstacle!
Everyone needs a friend like strawberry shortcake! I aspire to be that type of wife, mother, friend, and acquaintence!
We read in Matthew 10:16," Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves." We as Christians are among those in the world who will make it difficult for us. We just need to study diligently the word of God. It really can be that simple!
My scripture verse for today:
Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5
"However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don't have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have NOT traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
We can all learn a valuable lesson from this sweet character who has enough optimism to fill a whole strawberry field! With the right attitude, you can overcome any obstacle!
I have always been an optimist. I recall a time when I was playing little league softball and my team was losing bad. I could tell my Dad had had enough of watching and wanted to leave. I shouted out to him from the dugout "Don't worry, I think we still have a shot at winning!" He still teases me about that to this day, because I think the score was like 15-0 in the ninth inning. But, I sure had optimism!
My husband shakes his head at me sometimes, and thinks I live in a fairy tale, but I assure him it is just simply living optimistically and having a lot of FAITH!
Everyone needs a friend like strawberry shortcake! I aspire to be that type of wife, mother, friend, and acquaintence!
We read in Matthew 10:16," Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves." We as Christians are among those in the world who will make it difficult for us. We just need to study diligently the word of God. It really can be that simple!
My scripture verse for today:
Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5
"However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don't have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have NOT traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
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